Not Ashamed of who I love, anymore.

Picture this, after several nasty relationships you finally find someone who is your better half. Not the kind of better half that is nice to be around but the kind of better half that loves you the hardest on your worst days. Now imagine the feeling of wanting to shout about your love of this person to the highest mountains but there is one thing, you are ashamed of the love you have for this amazing person. Allow me to share with you why I am not ashamed of who I love, any more and why you shouldn’t be either.

It wasn’t until recently when I realized I have been living my life ashamed. When I fell into the deepest pit of pity and depression several things were floating through my mind. Every day I was asking myself questions trying to pick apart what the problem was. Why am I not feeling fulfilled? What is lacking? It’s not that I want more things, I actually could deal with less. But there is something I feel is missing a void.

Then one day I was about to start my morning walk and I put my earbuds in, click on the Spotify app and there pops up a notification that Lauren Daigle just released a new song, You Say, I hurriedly press play…. my eyes began to water, the hair on my arms stands up and my heart melts.

That day, listening to that song I realized that I was living ashamed. Thinking God doesn’t love me because of who I love.

I shouldn’t have to give a disclaimer but what the hell, I am. I am not here to convince anyone who they should or should or should not love. Nor do I have There motivations to cast opinions on religion.

I believe in God, period.

Moving on.

I have spent the past 12 years of my life loving a human being that is my better half. It hurts to even think I would hide my love for such an amazing human. Like, she is such a good person that I strive every day to be more like her. Think about it, you are spending the rest of your life with someone who is so freaking awesome that you want to be more like them. Yes, she is that amazing. We have pushed through the same ups, downs like every other relationship experiences. We have battled many storms both internal and external yet still, we stand together till this day. For 12 years ya’ll. And over these years I have held back that part of who I am because I was simply ashamed of what people think and how they see me on a one-way ticket to hell.

Today, I don’t think like that. I know God loves me, I am a child of God, and I have been chosen to take this journey. When God sees fit he will guide me. For now, I will continue to be who I am, proud of who I love and no longer living shame. I write this post to not only share this part of my life journey with you but to shed light. Let us all be more mindful and compassionate to one another.

Share compassion for love, if love is what it is, then let it be. There is enough hate in the world. We shouldn’t be hating people who love.

Unashamed,

Deana